Friend spotted my hubbie out with another woman
Dear Coleen
My husband and I have been married for eight years and been together for 16. We’ve had a really hard time lately, with family and money problems, but I thought we were getting through it.
However, I’ve just found out that he’s been having lunches with a girl at work when he told me he was in meetings. And they even went to a football match together one weekend – they both support the same team, whereas I’m not into football at all.
I only found out because one of my friends saw them in a café and told me. I confronted him and he admitted he has feelings for her, but that nothing has ever happened between them.
He says that they talk and text, and meet for lunch, but they’ve never kissed. However, I’m heartbroken.
Coleen says
I’m sorry, but just because they haven’t kissed doesn’t mean it’s OK! Men get it so wrong with this sort of stuff. They don’t realise that most women are actually more bothered by the emotional side of infidelity. I know I was. When I found out about my first husband, I didn’t think about them having sex but rather those intimate moments like having lunch, calling each other or chatting.
That’s a far bigger betrayal and I think he needs to know that. Obviously there’s something going wrong with your marriage that you need to talk about, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be fixed. So why not have some marriage guidance?
I think if you’ve been going through a hard time, it’s possible he was looking elsewhere for distraction or comfort. Just sitting with somebody new can be attractive, because you can forget about all the problems at home. If he’s not willing to have counselling, then you have to let him know he’s crossed the line and he needs to work hard to get things back on track.
After all, if you hadn’t found out about them, how long until they did kiss and maybe more?