HE’S ALWAYS GRUMPY AND SNAPS AT ME

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my husband for 18 years and during that time he’s got grumpier and grumpier. We have three children and he’s so short tempered with them, they’re just glad when he’s out the house.

He never wants to do anything, he snaps at me over the slightest thing and I can’t really explain what the problem is, other than to say he’s just so grumpy.

If I go out of my way to make an effort and cook him a nice meal he’ll find fault with it, so now I don’t bother. A couple of times in the last year I’ve blown up and threatened to leave him, and he genuinely seems sorry and says he’ll change his ways. I don’t even think he realises he’s doing it.

His dad is really grumpy too and his mum just rolls her eyes and puts up with it. But I don’t want to.

What can I do?

Coleen says

I think instead of waiting until you explode, sit down with him and calmly tell him his behaviour is making you unhappy.

Maybe he’s stressed about something he doesn’t want to tell you, like money or job worries. Or maybe he’s feeling depressed or going through that middle-aged, I’m getting old feeling. So instead of blowing up at him, find out why he’s acting this way because there probably is a reason.

The thing is, you can’t go on with him being grumpy all the time. It’s not fair on you or the kids. So tell him, “If you’re feeling stressed tell me and we’ll try to sort it out. Because it’s really hard living with somebody so moody.”

And tell him that while his mum may put up with this behaviour, it doesn’t mean you’re going to.