Harsh lesson I learned from vinegar tipple

THE shelves of my local department store groan with every kind of yeast, tubing and demijohn as well as the things that you stick in the top.

It all looks so simple and so cheap. Do it yourself, drink it yourself.

Cheap – and you don’t even have to leave the house.

If only it was quite that simple. I tried it, once. The “beer” fizzed out of the bottles, it was cloudy and tasted like warm vinegar. I could have used it on my chips.

“You’re stinking the place out!” cried the missus. “Here’s a fiver, go back to the pub.” I never tried again. The humiliation was too great. The bottles and the gear went in the bin.

My brewing career was over before it began – but not my enjoyment of real ale.

The moral to take from this story is that making beer is like putting up shelves: it’s something that is best left to the experts.