Buff up on your nude etiquette

Meanwhile, Surrey Police have offered guidance on the rights and wrongs of nude sunbathing in your garden.

They advise warning the neighbours in advance of your plans and being discreet, although they add: “In an ideal world your relationship with your neighbours would be such that they would not object to you gardening in the buff.”

Really? I wouldn’t expect my neighbours in an ideal – or any other – world to endure the sight of my pruning the antirrhinums in the altogether.

The heatwave is set for two more stupendous, sizzling weeks. I know global warming is bad and all that. But it doesn’t half cheer up us Brits.