I’m really worried as pal’s boyfriend is such a loser
Dear Coleen
My close friend is dating a real loser and has changed so much since being with him. They started dating in late 2016 and he moved in the first night! She has a young daughter as well.
He told all these stories about how he’s a hard worker and earns good money, but since she’s been with him he hasn’t worked more than three months and lives off her money, which really infuriates me.
He has two children himself, but has no involvement with them and doesn’t try to be a part of their lives, yet acts like a dad to my friend’s daughter while contributing nothing financially.
Also, her daughter hasn’t seen her father since this guy has been on the scene as he sulks at the mention of his name, and I feel this is wrong.
Do I tell my friend that I think he’s emotionally blackmailing her? He’s always threatening to go if she doesn’t fall in with what he wants.
It’s very upsetting that she’s changed from being bubbly and outgoing to withdrawn and quiet.
Coleen says
I do sometimes think with friends that you have to let them make their own mistakes and, hopefully, at some point your friend will realise this guy isn’t right for her.
The trouble is, she’s totally smitten with him and if you try to tell her what you think now, she might turn on you.
I think if she asks you what you think, you could say something like: “If I’m honest, I think you’ve changed quite a bit since getting together with him. You haven’t seemed your usual bubbly self.” And that might be enough to open up a discussion.
I’ve actually experienced this situation myself with a friend and it is very hard to sit back and watch.
But unless you’re worried about physical or emotional abuse, I think you have to resist the temptation to badmouth him and hope she comes round in the end.
So when she does want to talk about it or leave him, you’ll be the first person she contacts. In the meantime, you can still have good time with her.