SHARED CUSTODY IS HARD ON KIDS

Dear Coleen

My wife and I are separating after 15 years of marriage. We have two children aged 11 and 13 and the news has been hard on them.

Here’s the problem: I’m moving out to a rented flat, and my wife wants me to have the children on an entirely equal basis – ie, they’ll come to stay with me for threeand-a-half days every week.

It might sound fair, but it’s extremely unfair on the kids who will be uprooted every week while they’re trying to cope with school.

As much as I’d love to see them all the time, I think it’s better for them to stay with me one week a month and every other weekend, otherwise it’s too disruptive for their routines.

How can I make her see sense? She has a demanding job and I’m sure she’s factoring childcare into the equation. Sounds cynical, but it’s true.

Coleen says

Perhaps your wife is thinking: “Oh, God, what do I do with the kids on my own all week?”

It’s a big thing suddenly finding yourself a single parent. Why shouldn’t you share the children equally?

Have you spoken to the kids about how they feel? I’m sure at their ages they have an opinion. I’m not suggesting they have the final say, but can’t you sit down as a family and work it out?

One of my daughter’s friends had a 50/50 arrangement and managed fine. If the kids have everything they need at both houses, then they’re not constantly packing and unpacking. Kids are adaptable, but they’ll tell you if it’s not working for them. Give it a go.