HE WATCHES PORN ON HIS PHONE

Dear Coleen

I discovered that my long-term boyfriend has tons of porn sites on his social media accounts.

When I confronted him, he claimed they were “nothing” and just dismissed it.

I feel devastated. He’s on his phone all the time and now hides his online activity. What can I do?

Coleen says

So he’s not stopped looking at it, but he doesn’t want you to know that he’s doing it any more.

Smartphones and tablets have made porn accessible and easier to become addicted to.

If he’s hiding his activity, he could be forming an addiction – it’s a bit like alcoholics hiding booze bottles around the house.

I understand why you feel devastated – you’re wondering why he needs to rely on porn if he’s happy with you. I don’t think it’s anything to do with you – it’s just a quick, titillating fix, but that probably won’t make it any easier for you to accept.

I think you have to be honest with him that you’re concerned his habit might split you up.

Explain it’s not only making you feel insecure, but you’re also worried that he’s addicted.

He needs to realise that overusing porn could affect his ability to get aroused and perform when it comes to real sex. That simply won’t be enough for him any more. There is also the risk that the porn he watches will become more extreme.