SHE PREFERS NEIGHBOURS TO ME

Dear Coleen

My partner, who I have been with for nearly 12 years, has recently become friendly with our nextdoor neighbours to the point where I feel pushed out.

I work 12 to 14 hours a day and all I want to do when I come home is to spend time with her and not have the neighbours there, too.

If I’m honest, I don’t like them because they seem like they could be trouble.

My partner and I don’t talk about anything any more or do things with the kids either, usually because she’s too busy with the neighbours.

When I’ve tried to talk to her about it, all I get is that I’m trying to control her (which isn’t true) and that she can do what she likes. I’m at my wits’ end.

What can you suggest?

Coleen says

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to spend time with your partner and kids without the neighbours being there, too.

It’s almost as if your partner has fallen in love with these people, and that can happen with some friendships at the beginning, but that intensity usually fades as time goes on and the initial excitement of finding a kindred spirit dies down.

In the meantime, I think you need to get a little tougher around setting boundaries at home. Explain that you’re not trying to control her, however you’d like to come home from work and spend time with your family and not your neighbours.

If she wants to invite them over or hang out with them when you’re not there, that’s fine, but you don’t want them plonked on your sofa every night when you come home and want to relax.

Talk about it without getting angry. It could be that the situation with your neighbours is just a sign that something deeper needs addressing in your relationship.