We’re only in our 50s but wife no longer wants sex
Dear Coleen
My wife and I are both in our early 50s. We’ve always had a good marriage, but over the past couple of years our sex life has dwindled and now it’s non-existent.
She has admitted she’s not interested in sex at all any more after going through the menopause. She insists she still loves me, but has literally no sex drive at all, and doesn’t want to lie to me by pretending she does.
I’ve done my own research into the menopause, so I know it’s a tough time for her and I understand that it’s normal for sexual desire to wane, however I also know there are treatment options available.
I’ve talked to her about this, but she just says her doctor didn’t seem that interested when she mentioned it at a routine check-up for something else. Apparently, he fobbed her off.
We’ve always embraced life as a couple and look young and fit for our ages, so I’m not ready to give up on sex yet, or on our marriage. Any ideas?
Coleen says
I’m actually pretty shocked her doctor took that attitude, especially when there’s so much available these days in terms of treatment. HRT has come a long way in recent years, so perhaps she needs to go back and make an appointment to talk about menopause specifically or speak to another doctor. She could also make an appointment to see a gynaecologist.
It sounds as if your wife would like to be intimate again, but doesn’t know quite what’s available to her or how to go about it.
However, I know several women who say bioidentical hormones have massively improved their general wellbeing and their sex lives too, so it’s worth looking into.
I have another friend who’s been able to combat nasty physical symptoms, such as hot flushes, through natural remedies, so that may be an option worth exploring.
As far as sex goes, it evolves as we get older and it’s normal to go through peaks and troughs in a long-term relationship. Taking the emphasis off penetrative sex initially and being intimate in other ways could help build your wife’s confidence.
Self-esteem can take a knock during menopause and she maybe struggling to accept the changes in her body – so reassurance from you could go a long way.
Menopause is tough but there are treatments