HUSBAND’S NOT RIGHT FOR ME

Dear Coleen

When I turned 30 I was really affected by the fact that all my friends – literally all of them – had a partner and some were starting to have children.

I hadn’t been in a good relationship for several years and had a string of failed romances, so I ended up settling for a guy I met through work. We married very quickly and had our son.

It’s been five years now and I’ve realised that we’re not compatible at all. Sex is very infrequent and, in fact, we haven’t had it for at least a year now.

My instinct is telling me to get out and I want to, but I’m worried about being on my own again as I have a terrible track record when it comes to men. I don’t believe I’ll ever find someone else.

My husband is a nice guy, a good dad and a good provider for the family, but there’s just no spark there and I’m unhappy.

I’d love your advice.

Coleen says

Well, it does sound like you panicked and married in haste before you really got to know each other. I think you’re finding out that being in the wrong relationship can actually be lonelier than being on your own. And if you do decide to leave, your friends and family will step up to support you.

You’re still a young woman and have plenty of time to meet someone else, and your husband also deserves to be with someone who’s with him because they love him, not because he just happened to be there when you turned 30.

So be positive and have faith. If you do it right, you can still be friends and wonderful parents.

I get many letters from people much older than you who’ve found great relationships in their 40s, 50s and beyond. Just because relationships haven’t worked out doesn’t mean you won’t find someone, but you have to give yourself the chance.