I FEEL SO SAD FOR MY DAUGHTER

Dear Coleen

I’m at my wits’ end. My daughter, who is 50, had a stroke just over a year ago and her husband left her and their 13-year-old girl.

He left for a woman he’d been seeing for over a year and moved in with her. They are now living the good life while my daughter is struggling to cope.

She was married to this man for 19 years, yet it counts for nothing. What’s worse is that they all work at the same place.

It is really affecting me and I don’t know what to do – my heart is breaking for her. Sometimes I just want to fall asleep and not wake up. I’m 74 and feel helpless.

Coleen says

It doesn’t matter how old our kids get, we are still so affected by what happens in their lives and, of course, it affects our lives, too.

Obviously, you want to protect and help her, and the best way of doing that is just to be there for her – be present in her life to help with your granddaughter, or be a shoulder to cry on.

Sometimes you don’t have to come up with practical solutions, you just need to wrap your arms around your children. The fact is, you can’t protect them from heartbreak – it’s part of life – and if she knows she has your support, that’s what counts.

It’s still early days in terms of her marriage break-up and her stroke, so it’s going to take time for her to heal – body and soul.

She will be going through the grieving process that people suffer when they lose an important relationship.

She will get through it, no matter how bad she’s feeling right now, and it’s worth reminding her of that, too.

It doesn’t help that she has to work with her ex and his partner, but it’s not easy to change jobs in this economic climate and why should she?

The three of you must focus on your health and wellbeing and not give any energy to thinking about this man who let your daughter down so badly.