HE’D RATHER GO OUT WITH HIS FRIENDS

Dear Coleen

I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for nearly three years and we live together. He’s a lot of fun, loving and caring, but when it comes to his social life, he’d rather see his mates than spend time with me.

They always take priority – he’s part of a big gang of lads who have known each other since school. I like the fact he has close friendships, but I can’t help thinking he’s immature as he still puts them first. It’s like he’s forgotten we’re living together and I want more commitment. We’re both 30, so it’s not like we’re really young.

He seems reluctant to move on and grow up. I go out with my friends, too, but a lot of the time it’s because I know he’s going out with his mates. I always suggest things we can do together, but he’s usually got an excuse. I do love him and want things to work, but my patience is running out.

Coleen says

It sounds like he’s not taking the relationship as seriously as you are and perhaps he’s influenced by his group of friends. If none of them are in serious relationships, maybe that’s why he’s still behaving like he’s not either.

You have to decide what you want and what you’re willing to put up with. All relationships involve compromise, so work out some compromises – that might involve him agreeing to see his friends on certain nights and doing things with you the rest of the week.

Right now you’re way down his list of priorities. He’s getting the best of both worlds – going out with his mates all the time and coming home to you. If he’s not willing to meet you halfway, then you have to start prioritising your future and finding a relationship that gives you what you want.