MY NEEDY EX JUST WON’T LET GO

Dear Coleen

I split up with my girlfriend a couple of weeks ago after being with her for a year. We met at university and we’re both still only 23.

We were arguing constantly, which I felt wasn’t right, particularly as we’re both so young. It was kind of amicable at the time and even though she was upset, she agreed that things weren’t good and we both deserved the chance to meet other people.

I don’t want to be in a serious relationship at the moment – I just want to enjoy myself and date girls. I’m not ready for a serious commitment and all the responsibilities.

The trouble is, she’s been messaging me a lot, saying she misses me and asking to meet up, but I don’t want to see her. I’m worried that if I do, I’ll be dragged back in. I just want a clean break, but I do care for her and feel guilty. What should I do?

Coleen says

I think you have to stick to your guns. Of course it’s not nice to break someone’s heart and you obviously still care for your ex, but I wouldn’t feel guilty or railroaded into meeting up if that’s not what you want.

I think it would be far worse to give her hope by seeing her or getting back together with her and then end up seeing other girls behind her back.

You don’t want to be in the relationship – in fact, you’ve made it clear you don’t want to have any kind of serious commitment and that’s OK. You don’t have to be nasty or angry, but just be clear that you want to make a clean break.

In time, she will be OK with it too, and maybe you can even be friends once she accepts there’s no chance of getting back together with you.