IAN HYLAND on last night’s telly
How To Get A Good Night’s Sleep ★★★★
Over on Channel 5 last night Ruth Langsford was busy shoving something strange up her nostrils in the wee small hours.
She’s hardly the first celebrity to do that. In Ruth’s case though it was all above board – she was merely inserting an anti-snoring gizmo. Ruth and husband Eamonn Holmes were embarking on a two-part quest to uncover the key to a deep sleep.
Obviously, in my role as a professional smartarse I am duty bound to suggest they should just try watching back the full three hours of their coverage of last Friday’s royal wedding.
That’s no slight on their presenting skills, by the way. As the saying goes in football, you can only play what’s put in front of you.
Their problem wasn’t the getting to sleep. It was the staying asleep.
Ruth’s snoring was like a 747 landing in your garden and releasing a herd of elephants from the hold.
Meanwhile, Eamonn revealed he only ever gets three hours of unbroken sleep a night.
This makes him prone to napping at 2pm every day which, presumably, leaves the poor bloke in a perpetual state of panic trying to catch up on
Judge Rinder. Game as always, Ruth and Eamonn tested out a wide range of sleep aids.
They shopped together for the ideal bed, Eamonn had sleep analysis, Ruth tried a tennis ball down the back of her PJs to stop her rolling on to her back, and they cut down on booze. Unfortunately, the sight of Ruth wearing a rubber chin strap contraption brought images of that S&M documentary they made last year flooding back into my mind.
And now I’m the one having trouble sleeping.
‘‘ She shoved something strange up her nose