POLLYOMETER

Going up... Bear Grills A curvy girl called Beadnose, pictured, has just won Fattest Bear, as the culmination of the annual Fat Bear Week in Alaska. It’s kind of impossible to feel complete despair about the state of the world once you know Fat Bear Week exists. (Please don’t ruin it by bringing out an exercise DVD, Beadnose.)

Bovvered?

Yesterday I told a friend a shocking story. Afterwards, she stared at me in silence. “I’m nonplussed,” she said. I was outraged. How could she not be bothered by such a dramatic tale? Turns out we’ve all been using the word nonplussed wrong FOR EVER. It doesn’t mean not bothered, it means so surprised and confused you’re unsure how to react. If only there was a way to describe how stunned I am by this revelation. Going down... Leave it snout As long as you turn a blind eye to Earl Grey, you could have spent your whole life up to this point secure in the knowledge that there’s no such thing as a bad cup of tea. Sainsbury’s has now robbed us of that, by bringing out the travesty that is Pigs In Blankets tea.

Brand reboot Unbeknownst to most of us, Katy Perry has a shoe line. Her last collection included Scented Jelly Sandals, because obviously when you see someone wearing plastic footwear in hot weather, your first instinct is to sniff it. Katy’s outdone herself with these new Novelty Garland Boots though, ie against all the odds, managed to create something even

less appealing.