SHE WON’T LET ME MOVE BACK IN

Dear Coleen

My wife and I are currently living apart and having relationship therapy to try to save our marriage. We decided to do it after she found out I’d slept with a couple of other women.

When I slept with these women our marriage was in crisis and we’d agreed to take a break, but she can’t seem to get past what I did or the fact we weren’t together at the time.

But I accept it was a huge mistake and it’s made the problems we already had in our marriage so much worse.

I want to save our relationship, but nothing I say seems to make a difference. She won’t let me move back in, although she insists she wants us to be together in the future and told me just to focus on the therapy. I feel frustrated – what should I do?

Coleen says

I think you should keep going to the therapy. It’s not a quick fix, though, and your wife can’t move past the fact you slept with other women just because you’ve apologised to her.

I imagine the break you had from the marriage was to have some time apart to think about what you wanted and not to act like a single guy.

Accept that getting your marriage back on track could take a long time and, even after a lot of therapy, you might decide to still call it quits and separate.

You had serious problems before you slept with these women and that’s what you now need to work through in your sessions.

One the plus side, you’ve both committed to therapy which shows there’s hope that you could both get through this.