HE’S CHANGED SINCE WE MARRIED

Dear Coleen

My husband and I were together for eight years before we married last year and it’s changed everything.

We used to be close and very happy, and our sex life was good. But his sex drive has dwindled to the point where we hardly ever make love and I’m starting to feel a bit down about myself because of it.

Nothing has changed apart from the fact we got married. He just blames it on being tired and stressed from work, but his job hasn’t changed.

I want us to be close and intimate again, but I don’t know how and I just can’t understand how we arrived at this point.

Can you help?

Coleen says

I think what you’re going through is actually more common than you realise.

I know several couples who were together a long time before getting married and, once they’d tied the knot, their relationships ran into trouble.

Sometimes it’s to do with simply falling into that rut of not making any effort now you’re married. But also, I think there can be a more subtle mental shift with marriage where you see each other a bit differently and less as two lovers.

It often happens when a couple have a baby and take on parental roles. I would focus less on the sex act itself and more on rebuilding the intimacy between you. Make time to do those things you did before marriage – go on dates, have some fun and try to take the pressure off.