IAN HYLAND on last night’s telly
Celebrity Call Centre ★★★
Celebrity advice regarding a very modern dilemma was being sought on Channel 4 last night.
A caller wanted Tyger Drew-Honey from Outnumbered to tell him whether he should have a relationship with a porn star he’d met in Las Vegas. I was desperate for Tyger to say, “Yeah, go for it – but if you have to pay any hush money make sure it’s untraceable.”
Sadly, he went instead with a slightly more on-message line about porn stars being people too.
This was Celebrity Call Centre, for which Channel 4 had set up a counselling service for the day and invited eight celebrities to man – and woman – the phones. If that idea sounds a bit Youth Hostelling With Chris Eubank it’s because it is.
Under normal circumstances you would only tolerate such a programme if it featured the likes of Gary Barlow and the cast of Mrs Brown’s Boys giving tax advice or Katie Hopkins guiding callers through the pitfalls of libelling someone on social media.
These were not normal circumstances. It was all about raising money for Stand Up To Cancer. Therefore it quickly had me reaching for a thesaurus to find new ways of saying life-affirming.
In the blink of a teary eye, it switched from Kim Woodburn claiming the key to staying young is sex and cheese & pickle sandwiches (although not at the same time, I hope) to Georgia Toffolo recalling the hours she spent sitting with her grandad as he had chemo.
And Louie Spence revealed he was sacked from a sweet shop for eating the products.
Good job he never worked at Ann Summers.
‘‘ Sadly he went with the line about porn stars being people too