I FEAR NO SEX MEANS SHE HAS A LOVER

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my girlfriend for three years and over the past few months she hasn’t been interested in sex at all. She makes excuses that she’s tired and stressed, and doesn’t feel in the mood.

However, we went on an amazing holiday in August when she ought to have been able to relax, but we still didn’t have sex. It’s got to the point where I’ve just given up trying and we avoid each other in bed.

I don’t know what happened because our love life used to be great, so the only thing I can think of is that she’s sleeping with someone else and that’s why she’s lost interest in me.

What can I do when she won’t open up to me?

Coleen says

I wouldn’t jump straight to the conclusion she’s cheating on you, especially if she hasn’t done anything to make you suspicious.

However, you’re right, she can’t avoid this for ever and just hope it’ll go away, so tell her that if she wants to remain in the relationship she has to talk to you.

Perhaps take the emphasis off sex itself, but ask her why she thinks things have changed and if there’s anything that can be done.

Maybe she’s just got into that rut of making no effort because you’ve been together a few years and now you haven’t had sex in a while it’s become awkward.

It sounds obvious, but when sex becomes an issue, then it’s not sexy any more and it can put couples under immense pressure if both partners retreat.

It could be that you need to reconnect outside the bedroom first by talking and doing nice things together before building up to becoming intimate again.