SON I LET BE ADOPTED HAS GOT IN TOUCH

Dear Coleen

I gave up my son for adoption nearly 30 years ago. I was a teenage single mum and just felt I wouldn’t be able to cope, especially as I didn’t have support from family.

It was heartbreaking and I’ve never forgotten my son’s birthday, but I made the decision I thought was best for him and for me at the time. I went on to get myself together, I studied hard, established a good career and now I’m married with two children.

A few weeks ago, my son tracked me down and asked if I’d be interested in knowing more about him and that he had some questions for me. He’s also suggested meeting, but not right away.

I’m so thrilled he’s got in touch and I’m struggling not to email him all the time. I want to talk to him and I want him to meet his siblings, but he seems reluctant. I’m just worried about losing him a second time.

What’s your advice?

Coleen says

I understand how happy and excited you are that your son has got in touch, but I think you need to take a deep breath and a step back. This is a huge thing for your son and it’s going to stir up lots of difficult emotions, so take it slowly.

Show him you respect his wishes and are willing to take things at his pace. If he’s not ready to talk on the phone or have a meeting, you have to accept that.

You don’t know how his family has taken the news that he’s in touch with you – I’m sure he will be very conscious of being sensitive to their feelings and wishes.

I think it’s wonderful that you’re in contact after all these years, but just be prepared for the fact that it’ll trigger a big emotional response in you too, and some of those emotions and feelings might be tough to deal with.