I’M NOT IN LOVE WITH SON’S MUM

Dear Coleen

I’m a 24-year-old guy and have a five-year-old son with my girlfriend.

I was just 19 when he was born and she was 18. She fell pregnant only a few weeks after we met and, despite lots of people telling us our relationship was doomed and we were stupid to go ahead with the pregnancy, we’ve done well and have a gorgeous son.

However, I’ve realised I’m not in love with my girlfriend. I love her as a friend and she’s a great mother, but I want more from a relationship.

There’s no sexual chemistry and I think we were so focused on trying to make it work for our son that maybe we failed to see we just weren’t right for each other.

I don’t know if she feels the same – I’m worried about bringing it up – but she can’t be happy as we hardly ever have sex and tend to socialise separately.

I’m also interested in a girl at work, although I wouldn’t do anything about it until I’d sorted things out. What do you think?

Coleen says

It’s clear you didn’t have much chance to be a couple before your son came along, and you’ve had a lot of responsibility at a young age. By the sounds of it, you’ve both done a wonderful job bringing him up and should be proud of that.

If you’re desperately unhappy and decide to end the relationship, then you can both still be great parents.

I just wonder though, before you call it quits, whether you could both try to recapture what if feels like to be lovers, and not just mum and dad?

Is it worth trying to make more time for each other? You’ve been so bogged down in being parents that you haven’t really given each other a chance.

Anyway, it’s important to talk to your girlfriend and consider what she wants, too.

And just be careful that this girl at work doesn’t just represent all the excitement you feel you’ve missed out on.