MY MEN ARE ALWAYS SUCH TOTAL LOSERS

Dear Coleen

I seem to have a radar for the most rubbish men on the planet. I’m 35 and have been dating for what feels like a hundred years and I’m still no closer to meeting Mr Right.

My most recent relationship ended after my ex passed out from drink at my younger sister’s wedding, although not before lunging at one of our (married) cousins. I’m a running joke in my family and all my friends are happily settled with partners and children.

Why do I attract such losers, and is there any way I can break this awful cycle?

Coleen says

I don’t think it’s that these men are attracted to you like bees to a honey pot, I think it’s more a case that you’re unconsciously attracted to a certain type of guy. And it would be useful to work out why that is, as it could help you make better choices in the future.

Are you perhaps attracted to the drama of this kind of relationship and, if so, what’s the reason for it? Maybe it mirrors the type of relationship you saw growing up, or perhaps it’s a way of rebelling against the stable (maybe even mundane) relationship your parents had.

Also, when you start dating someone and he’s showing signs of being a ‘loser’, then act on those signs and call it quits. Don’t let it drag on and get to a point where you have to end it because you’ve been humiliated or let down by his behaviour. There doesn’t have to be a drama.

I remember dating a guy I really liked when I was much younger, then one night I saw him drunk... revolting drunk. I thought, “How will I feel five years from now if I carry on?”, so I ended it the next day. So you can break the cycle.