CRIPPLED WITH SHYNESS AT WORK

Dear Coleen

I’m finding it so hard to make friends at work that it’s killing what little confidence I have.

I started a new job recently and I feel crippled with shyness when I see colleagues in the canteen, so I never go up and chat to them.

I end up ignoring them out of fear I’ll say something stupid, so I’m sure they think I’m rude when, in actual fact, I just lack confidence.

I love this job and want to start off in the right way – can you give me some advice about how I can relax socially?

Coleen says

I know lots of people who are shy (I’m one of them) and I think you almost have to fake that confidence until you get to a point where you do feel relaxed and it comes to you naturally.

My daughter is also incredibly shy and I used to advise her to just get into the habit of smiling and saying hello. She started to realise the world didn’t end when she said hello and the other person would say hello back and, often, it would start a whole conversation. If you lack confidence socially, it can be terribly debilitating, but the only way to get over it is to keep trying and keep saying hello until it’s less daunting.

People think because I’m on telly, I’m very confident and outgoing, but if I have to walk into a room where I don’t know anyone, I feel very intimidated. However, I’ll introduce myself because I know once the ice is broken it’s easy.

You just need to get over that first hurdle.

Also, it helps to remember why it’s important to you – you love your job and want to feel comfortable there and get along with your colleagues. You don’t have to be their best mate – that is unnecessary pressure – but it’ll feel really good to connect with people and chat when you see them in the canteen.