MY TEENAGE DAUGHTER IS STRUGGLING

Dear Coleen

My daughter, who is 13, is really struggling with her friendships at school and I don’t know how to help her. She’s at a very competitive school, which can be stressful, as all the girls are very academic or talented in some other respect.

My daughter is very creative and quite different from her classmates. She’s quirky, with short hair and doesn’t follow the crowd. I keep telling her she’s unique and brilliant, and how that will become apparent when she’s older, but right now it’s not making much difference.

She’s constantly left off party lists and other get-togethers outside of school and it’s killing her inside.

Have you any ideas?

Coleen says

As much as you naturally want to wrap your daughter in cotton wool, life can be tough and she’s going to meet lots of challenges over the years, so it’s about trying to equip her to deal with them.

Make sure you boost her up and help her to develop the confidence she’s lacking. It’s great you’re telling her how brilliant she is and, it’s true, she will find her feet as she gets older. She’s at a tough age, going through puberty and wrestling with her self-esteem.

Not everyone is going to be her friend, but it’s important for her not to become someone she isn’t. She’s actually incredibly strong and interesting because she’s not following the crowd, so you should really big that up.

You could perhaps talk to the school – they should be on top of the friendship thing and help to foster inclusion and kindness among all the girls.

Help her to develop friendships at clubs and activities outside of school – that’s a good way to help boost her confidence.