FRIEND’S DEATH HAS HIT ME HARD

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman aged 72 and recently a friend of mine died out of the blue. She was the same age as me and had children and grandchildren like me.

I’ve found myself feeling very low since. I can’t stop thinking about what happened – for some reason it’s hit me really hard.

She was a good friend and a lovely kind woman, but not one of my closest friends. Why am I struggling so much? I’m not sleeping well, I feel nervy a lot of the time and I think about her a lot. Can you help?

Coleen says

I do think when someone the same age dies it can make you start to think about your own life and worry about your mortality.

When I lost my sister Bernie, I found lots of things worried me that hadn’t bothered me in the past. She was only five years older than me and died at the age I am now. I worried about my health and the years I had left, and thought a lot about whether I was happy.

Although this woman wasn’t a close friend, I think you’re unconsciously relating what happened to her to yourself. If you haven’t had a friend die suddenly like that, it’s a wake-up call – a reminder that we’re all human and we’re vulnerable.

So I think what you’re feeling is actually quite normal and those feelings will lessen in time. You can also channel them into something positive – reconnecting with friends, spending more time with family and doing things you’ve always wanted to do, but have put off.

I developed a “life’s too short” attitude and decided to live every day as I wanted to and it’s led to lots of positive changes.