I WANT MUCH MORE FROM LIFE

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman of 70 and I’ve been married for 45 years. My husband and I have always got on well, but over the past few years he’s changed.

He has become curmudgeonly, conservative and stuck in his ways.

While I want to keep trying new things now that we have the money and the freedom, he won’t budge from his armchair or his garden.

I’m feeling isolated and like we want different things, but I can’t contemplate ending our marriage. Any advice?

Coleen says

Your problem is actually a very common one, when partners react very differently to retirement. It’s a transitional time and it throws up challenges, just like those other transitional times, such as starting a family and when your kids leave the nest.

Sometimes couples get to one of these times in life and realise they’re not on the same page, so it’s a question of working out how to move forward. Start with a serious conversation and tell your husband you’re feeling frustrated and not ready to just sit in an armchair in front of the telly.

Then talk about compromise and find out what you’re each willing to give.

The problem will be if one of you turns round and says there’s no room for manoeuvre.

Sitting on the couch or gardening might be your husband’s idea of paradise after working hard all his life.

But if you want to do more, you can. You can do some things separately and have different interests, hobbies and friends, and still be happy when you’re together.

You don’t have to be in each other’s pockets 24/7 because that can cause problems too!