BOYFRIEND’S A BIT OF A ROGUE

Dear Coleen

My daughter is 16 and studying at sixth-form college. She’s always been quite quiet and never had boyfriends, but now she’s got one and he’s the total opposite to the type of boy I thought she’d choose.

He’s the same age and he’s got a bit of a reputation locally – minor run-ins with the police, smoking, drinking and so on.

He’s never had a stable home life – his parents are separated and he lives with his mum, who doesn’t seem to pay any attention to him or his brother.

I don’t want to come down hard on my daughter and tell her not to see him, but I’m uneasy about their relationship. She’s quite naïve and I don’t think she can handle him.

Any ideas?

Coleen says

I think you’re right in not insisting she stops seeing him – knowing teenagers as I do, it’ll probably only make him more attractive to her.

But if he’s her first boyfriend, then I think you can open up a conversation around dating and relationships, and remind her that you’re there for her if she wants to talk about anything. You could also mention you’re concerned as he has a bit of a reputation and you don’t want her to get hurt.

I’d also be involved – ask her to bring him over to meet you so you can get to know him better.

He might be a nice lad, but has suffered from not having the type of stable home life that you’ve given your daughter.

It doesn’t mean he’s a bad person, but maybe he just needs some support and direction.

Your daughter is only 16 and still living at home, so she has to respect your rules when it comes to going out and coming home. But it’s always better to open up a dialogue and show her you’re there to support her, rather than pushing her away.

If she shuts you out, you’ll have no idea what’s going on.