WIFE MAKES ME WAIT AT THERAPY

Dear Coleen

I’m a man in my 30s and my wife and I have been having relationship therapy for a few months. I’m committed to it, but she frequently turns up late and keeps us waiting.

She laughs it off and tries to get our therapist on side, as if to say, “see, he’s the grumpy, unreasonable one”.

We started therapy as we were clashing constantly over how to bring up our kids, but she’s not treating it seriously.

Where do I go from here?

Coleen says

It’s almost as if she’s mirroring what she does at home – undermining you in the same way she does when it comes to your children.

But your therapist will have spotted that, too. They’ll be clocking everything! And on the plus side, your wife is still turning up, even if it’s rather reluctantly at the moment.

At least you’re trying to work it out, but what you’re saying to me, you should be saying to the therapist in front of your wife. If her turning up late is annoying you, then say it. Explain you feel undermined and belittled when she constantly turns up late and that’s part of the problem. Say that you don’t think she’s taking it seriously and let her respond.

The therapy room is where you should be talking this stuff through – don’t bottle those feelings up.