WIFE BLOWS CASH MEANT FOR DEPOSIT

Dear Coleen

I’m a man in my early 30s and I’ve been married for two years. Our relationship is good, except for one thing – my wife’s attitude to money, which is basically to spend it like it’s going out of fashion.

Since getting married we’ve had a joint bank account and have been trying to save for a deposit on a house. However, my wife is spending way more than she earns on things like clothes and stuff for our flat.

I have tried to talk about it with her, but she just flares up and gets very defensive – it’s like a red rag to a bull!

However, if she doesn’t stop we’ll never get the deposit together and we might end up in the red.

Any advice?

Coleen says

Ah, money is a very common trigger in relationships, causing a lot of stress, worry and resentment. You’re right to tackle it now before you end up in debt or your marriage hits the rocks.

I think you need to ask her why she gets so defensive when you bring up the subject – has she struggled financially in the past? And how did she spend her money when you were single and had separate accounts?

The fact is, you now have a responsibility to each other. Why not sit down with her and work out a budget for everything – savings, bills and so on?

Then work out what disposable income you have to spend on treats like new clothes or evenings out. That way, you know where you stand and there’s no grey areas.

If you’re both part of the process then neither of you should feel controlled or taken advantage of.