TIME APART IS HURTING OUR MARRIAGE

Dear Coleen

Since the beginning of this year, my husband and I have had to spend a lot of time away from each other. He got relocated with his job, which means he’s away four nights a week, and then I have to work on a Saturday as I own a hair salon.

It’s causing lots of arguments – I blame him for taking the job and he has a go at me for working at the weekend when he’s back home.

We’ve only been married for three years and it’s feeling like a struggle. Can you help us with a way forward?

I know they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it doesn’t seem to be working in our case.

Coleen says

Well, I’ve never been a fan of that saying myself. In my experience, if you’re not careful you can end up leading separate lives and the intimacy you once shared can go AWOL pretty quickly.

You don’t say how long your husband is going to be working away, but if it’s for the foreseeable future, then you really have to be organised and plan properly for when you are together. That means booking dates (even if it’s tempting to park yourself on the sofa) and trying to reconnect as a couple.

You need to find the romance and fun in your relationship again, so it keeps you bonded and keeps you going until you next see each other.

And make the time to talk about how you’re each coping – don’t be afraid of being honest.

The worst thing you can do is shut off from each other. And look at your finances to see if you can get some extra help at the salon over the weekend, even if it’s just once or twice a month, so you can spend the day with your hubby.

Maybe there are compromises he’s able to make, such as taking the odd day’s annual leave, or working from home occasionally, where you plan something nice.