HE’S MOVED OUT TO LIVE WITH A MAN

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman of 48, I’ve been married for 20 years and we don’t have children. Our marriage has been rocky for a while now and we’ve been living increasingly independent lives. However, I was very shocked recently when my husband came home late one night and told me he’s gay and wants to leave me to be with another man.

Even though things hadn’t been perfect between us, I did not see this coming, and had no inclination that he was gay or bisexual.

Is this some sort of mid-life crisis or is he serious about leaving me for this guy? He’s left me feeling stupid, humiliated and angry, while he stays with his lover. I’ve only told my best friend and don’t know where to turn next.

Coleen says

I think it’s important to take back some control in order to feel stronger and more confident. So don’t wait for him to make decisions about your future. Decide what you want and set the wheels in motion.

From what you’ve told me, I’d suggest he’s probably wanted to explore this side of his sexuality for a long time, and if he’s moved in with this other man, you can’t sit around hoping it’s some sort of short-term crisis.

The most important thing to do is focus on yourself.

Talk to him about the practical stuff – the house and any joint finances – and decide how you move forward from there.

I know you’ll be thinking your entire 20-year marriage was a lie, but that’s not necessarily the case. And if you’re worried about what other people will think, then don’t. Those who love you and care about you will just want to be supportive.