SO SAD I WON’T SEE KIDS AT XMAS

Dear Coleen

I have two lovely grandchildren aged six and eight who belong to my only son. In the past, he and his wife used to spend alternate Christmases with us and her parents, but for the past couple of years they’ve stayed with them and they’re doing it again this year.

I can’t believe my son doesn’t understand how much this hurts his dad and me. These are our only grandchildren and we live for them and love to see them. His wife has a brother and a sister who both have kids, which means her parents have a household full of grandchildren at Christmas while we have nothing.

My son and his family are coming for a weekend after New Year, but it’s just not the same. I’m devastated and really not looking forward to Christmas.

Coleen says

Well, I don’t think they’re employing a great deal of thought and sensitivity here.

Maybe your son does understand and feels really bad, but is being railroaded into it by his wife, who wants the grandchildren to all be together at Christmas. But, from an outsider’s point of view, it certainly seems selfish.

Do they have to spend the entire Christmas holidays with her family? Could they not come to see you between Christmas and New Year for a couple of nights?

I’m sure you don’t want to cause a fuss, but I think you should speak to your son and just tell him how you feel and put forward some options.

He is entitled to have a view on this and, what’s more, I’m sure the kids will be desperate to see you and their grandad over the holidays.

Even if things can’t be rearranged in time for this year, then your son will know how you feel for next year and the years after that. But I think you have to be brave and speak up.