MY BROTHER IS SELFISH FOR MOVING AWAY

Dear Coleen

My brother was an alcoholic for many years and my parents supported him through thick and thin. Fortunately, he’s been five years’ sober after ending up in hospital at death’s door.

Since he’s got better, he’s met a woman and she’s pregnant with his first child. They now plan to move to the US where she’s from.

I can’t help feeling angry with my brother for moving away from my parents now he’s OK, and denying them the chance to get to know their grandchild. After all they’ve been through with him, I think he owes them. I think he’s being selfish.

My parents won’t say anything because they’re too nice. What do you think?

Coleen says

I know where you’re coming from but, as a parent myself, I would just be so happy that my son had sorted his life out, met someone nice and was becoming a father.

Your parents probably thought that would never happen when they were in the middle of those dark times. And maybe it’s a good thing that he’s making a fresh start away from the environment where he was an alcoholic for so long.

Yes, it’s a shame their grandchild won’t be living over here, but there are plenty of flights to the US, as well as FaceTime and Skype.

As a parent, you do things your whole life for your kids and don’t expect things in return. I hope I’m never in a position with my kids where I’m thinking, “I brought you up and did everything for you, so I deserve this”. It’s unconditional love. So while I understand how you feel, it’s probably not how they feel, even if they’re disappointed about the move to the US.

Rather than being angry with your brother, encourage him to stay in touch with your parents, make visits and invite them out, and make the baby a part of their lives.