Megs v Kate is a big waste of time
IT’S the oldest story in the book. Two female human beings, in similar roles, in close contact with each other – so they must definitely hate each other and be secretly catfighting.
The problem with old stories though? They’re tired, and boring.
Pitching Kate and Meghan against each other is an unbelievably lazy thing to do to two women... and also a massive waste of everyone’s time, because Meghan is so clearly better in every single way.
It’s also ungrateful. Meghan has come over from America and rejuvenated our Royal Family, made people who haven’t been bothered about in them in decades – or ever – suddenly interested and enthusiastic. More importantly, she’s made the nation’s sweetheart happy again.
She’s currently pregnant – having begun the process of providing an heir in record time – therefore probably, shall we say, a bit emosh now and then. So how do we repay her for her already outstanding service to our country during this tricky period? By being really mean about her, of course.
The only possible reason that the Sussexes are moving away from Kensington Palace – and their neighbours, the Cambridges – is that Meghan and Kate hate each other, see? (Nothing to do with the men in that imaginary situation, natch.) Any suggestion
that newlyweds might ever want time squirreled away, alone – particularly once they’ve had a baby – is nothing short of insane. It’s much more realistic to assume it’s because Meghan and Kate hate each other’s guts. And that’s because Meghan is so high maintenance.
She’s supposed to have said that St George’s Chapel in Windsor Castle smelled a bit musty and asked if some air fresheners could be used before her wedding, too.
On the scale of Bridezillas, it doesn’t even register... and yet, people are acting like she demanded the Chapel be demolished and rebuilt in diamond-encrusted pink, rather than merely requested a bit of Febreze.
Meghan’s also got stick for sending staff emails at 5am when she wakes up, aka being organised and speaking to them directly – ie being assertive.
Her last assistant quit after six months having reportedly broken down in tears at the stress of her job. The position was obviously not the right fit. No one’s suggesting that this means the assistant wasn’t good at her job yet, funnily enough, everyone’s suggesting it means Meghan isn’t good at hers.
Meghan is also rumoured to be considering a hypno birth – which is somehow being construed as showing off, because it’s not what is usually done. Fingers crossed this early sign she’s open to doing things differently means she won’t feel she has to stand, vulnerable and bleeding into her nude hosiery, on the steps of the Lindo Wing.
You know, right after spending the first moments of her child’s life with a hairdresser instead.
Never mind Kate – compared with all the other members of the Royal Family, of both sexes, Meghan wins.
They’re stiff, prim and tedious, she’s modern and spirited. They’re basic, she’s extra. They’re norms, and she’s a star.
That doesn’t include Harry though, of course. Come on – no one’s that good.
‘‘
How do we repay Meghan for her service? By being mean to her of course