I LEFT HUBBY THEN LOVER DROPPED ME

Dear Coleen

I started an affair with someone 18 months ago. I hadn’t been happy in my marriage for some time and this man seemed to offer me everything I’d ever wanted.

We discussed making things official and moving in together, so I plucked up the courage to tell my husband I was leaving. He was devastated and begged me to stay, but my mind was made up.

However, once I’d left, the man I was seeing panicked and decided he didn’t want to commit to me after all – well, not in the sense of living together. I realised I couldn’t live in limbo, being with someone who wasn’t sure, so the relationship sadly ended.

I miss him and I’m back living at home and unsure of what to do next. My husband has been kind and amazing, but I’m not in love with him and I’m miserable.

Have you any advice?

Coleen says

I think you need to get in the driving seat and take control of your life. You can’t wait for someone else to come along and take you away from your marriage.

If it isn’t working, that’s what you need to tackle. It’s not fair on your husband either, who has already put up with a lot.

The uncertainty of what comes next is scary and that could be what’s holding you back. I know – I’ve faced that situation twice now. However, once you do make the decision and you know it’s the right one, that fear does turn to excitement about the possibilities.

You could suggest a trial separation and, if he agrees, it could help confirm whether you’re doing the right thing and that your desire to end the marriage isn’t just linked to your affair.