HE’S JUST REVEALED HE HAS A CHILD

Dear Coleen

I’ve been seeing an American guy for three months. We met through one of my colleagues and things were going really well.

In fact, after being single for ages, I really thought he could be The One, which I realise is a cliché, but that’s how right the relationship felt.

Then I got the bombshell news that he has an ex and a fouryear-old child back in the States.

How could he have omitted to tell me this? Surely that’s something you tell a person right away?

I’m struggling to work out why he’d keep this from me. He says it was early days in the relationship and he didn’t want to frighten me off.

I just think there’s something odd about a person who doesn’t acknowledge their child. Have you any thoughts?

Coleen says

I find it strange too because three months is a long time and it does make you question what kind of person he is.

Maybe the longer he kept it from you, the harder it got for him to say something because he realises you’ll find it odd that he’s never mentioned it.

Perhaps after three months he just didn’t know how to broach the subject. There’s also a chance he’s told women in the past and they haven’t been interested in pursuing a relationship.

So I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt here that he’s a nice guy who’s made a bad judgment.

I think you have to find out more about his past relationship, why it ended, where they’re at now and what the arrangements are for the child. He needs to open up and be completely honest about the whole thing if you have any chance of moving forward.

And you have to be honest about whether the fact that he comes with an ex and a child changes how you feel.