MY FAMILY NEVER STOPS ROWING

Dear Coleen

I really need some advice because my daughter and my husband don’t get along at all. They fight and call each other names and make every occasion a nightmare.

They especially can’t seem to get on when I’m around and I don’t know what to do.

My husband is always sulking and won’t speak to me for days, and blames me for their arguments. It’s putting a lot of pressure on me to try to keep the peace and make sure everyone’s happy. My husband always thinks he’s in the right and won’t listen to reason.

I’m at my wits’ end to know how to move forward. My daughter is 30 years old and in ill health, so needs my support.

What do you advise?

Coleen says

Your husband sounds very angry about the situation (your daughter’s illness and jealously over the amount of time you spend with her), but doesn’t know how to deal with that anger, so he’s lashing out.

The result is that you’re in the middle and under a lot of pressure. It sounds obvious, and is clearly easier said than done, but you need to support each other rather than laying blame and lashing out. And both of them need to stop and think about you for a minute.

It sounds as if you’ve lost that connection with your husband and I do think it’s important to find some time where you can be together.

As a mum myself, I know if your children are ill your instinct is to want to wrap them up and be with them all the time. But you also have to be honest and ask yourself if this means your husband is feeling isolated within the family.

If you can, I think it would be good to sit down as a family and work out what each of you can do to make things better.