Dad’s the way to mortify your kids
THOMAS Markle is a little slow on the uptake.
He did something which upset his daughter, and forced her to stop speaking to him… so to try to repair the damage, he did it again. And again. And again.
He is fighting for peace while simultaneously screwing for virginity, shouting for silence and sacrificing a lamb for vegetarianism.
Still, chin up, Meg – it could be worse. Not much, admittedly… but a bit. Here are the most embarrassing dads of all time:
Name: Joe Simpson
Dad of: Jessica Simpson
Embarrassing thing: Talked about how alluring the actress was in an interview, which was then quoted all over the world, and still is being today, right now, live. Joe said, “Jessica never tries to be sexy. She just is sexy. If you put her in a T-shirt or you put her in a bustier, she’s sexy in both. She’s got double D’s! You can’t cover those suckers up!”
Sounds like you’re in there, Jess. Oh. Score on the Markle-ometer: Four hundred million zillion.
Name: Dennis Graham Dad of: Rapper Drake Embarrassing thing: Dresses like Drake. Shares photos of fans holding up underwear with Drake’s face on it. Recreated Drake’s Nothing Was The Same album cover with his own face superimposed on the front instead of Drake’s. Is basically Single White Female-ing his own son, proudly, as publicly as possible. Score on the Markle-ometer: 27 katillion Name: Jeremy Bieber
Dad of: Justin Bieber Embarrassing thing: Came over all Joe Simpson when naked photos of his son were leaked online. “What do you feed that thing?” he wrote on social media, adding the hashtag prouddaddy, just in case the post wasn’t horrendous enough already. Which, just to clarify, it most definitely was, thanks. Score on the Markle-ometer: Four hundred million zillion gazillion.
Name:
Chris Burr Martin Dad of:
Cassie
Martin, a teenager from Washington, USA
Embarrassing thing: Started his own Instagram page, which solely featured shots of him recreating his daughter’s sexy selfies, impeccably. Within days had double the amount of followers she did. Score on the Markle-ometer: 5, because he is basically an artist.
Name: David Beckham Dad of: Brooklyn Beckham Embarrassing thing: Told to park around the corner when he dropped Brooklyn off for his first date, David took him right to the door and shouted, “I love you!” instead. He then chaperoned by sitting in the restaurant, five tables away. Then he told the world about it on James Corden’s talk show - with Brooklyn sitting in the audience. Score on the Markle-ometer: Like, 1. Brooklyn seems to deserve it – and come on, it’s David Beckham. He’s lucky just to know him.