THE GUILT OF CHEATING IS KILLING ME

Dear Coleen

I was in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for two years and then things went downhill. He was never around, so I decided to break up with him.

We didn’t speak for six months after that and, in the meantime, I met someone and we’ve now been in a relationship for two years. But this is where I messed up.

About six months into my current relationship I got back in touch with my ex and we’ve been in contact ever since. I never wanted to hurt either of them, but they found out about it and now the guilt is awful.

I don’t know what to do – I didn’t realise my boyfriend would be so hurt when he found out about me and my ex, and I feel so bad.

Now I’m the bad guy as far as both of them are concerned and I regret it all.

The guilt of cheating is killing me.

Coleen says

You’re dealing with real people with real emotions, so of course they’re going to be hurt by this betrayal – what did you expect? It’s not a game. You’ve lied to both of them for a year and a half.

You talk about “cheating”, so I’m assuming this contact with your ex involved a lot more than the occasional friendly email.

I don’t know where this leaves you in terms of these relationships, but if it’s high and dry, then I think all you can do is learn from the experience, so you don’t get yourself into the same situation again. Apologise to both of them, which I assume you’ve already done, and then move on.

If you’re not ready or willing to be in an exclusive relationship with one person, then there are plenty of people out there looking for a no-strings arrangement.