SICK OF MY OLD SCHOOL FRIENDS

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman in my 20s and I have a group of friends I’ve known from school. I moved away when I was 18, but we still see each other fairly regularly, although they all live in the area we grew up in.

Over the past few months, I’ve found myself less bothered about seeing them. I feel I’ve moved on and they haven’t.

Instead of being happy that I’ve found a good job and live in London, they seem jealous and either dismiss things I say or make snide comments which, although said in a jokey way, are still hurtful.

It’s getting to the point where I’m wondering why I’m bothering! We share a lot of history and I used to love seeing them, but not any more. Am I being mean? Do you have any advice about what I should do next?

Coleen says

If you haven’t said anything, then I think you should before throwing in the towel. It sounds like it could be a bit of jealousy or dissatisfaction with their lives.

But be honest with yourself, too, and how you might be coming across to them. I think it’d be a shame to cut off old friendships without at least making an attempt to sort these perceived differences out.

You don’t see them all the time, which would make it easier to let those friendships drift away, but would you miss seeing them when you go home and miss that shared history and connection with friends you’ve known a long time?

You don’t have to be confrontational, but just say something along the lines of, “It sometimes feels a bit awkward now when I come back and see you and I wondered if you felt the same”.

Open up the conversation. Maybe you will drift apart – it’s totally natural to drift apart from some people as life takes you down different paths – but there’s also a chance you can work it out with a bit of honesty.