MY SECRET SEX WITH BEST FRIEND

Dear Coleen

I met my best friend four years ago and we recently had sex. I’m not gay and nor is she – we’ve always been attracted to men and are married to men.

Right from the beginning, I felt we were soulmates, but I didn’t ever think about her sexually. I just loved spending time with her. Sex for her is a purely physical thing, whereas I need to feel an emotional connection.

I started to feel that emotional connection with her and fantasised about us having sex, but never thought it would happen, and it happened very fast. I loved every second of it and can’t wait to be with her again.

The problem is, I’m not sure if this is how she feels. I love her so much and don’t want to lose her – what should I do?

Coleen says

It might be that it’s just about sex for her – thrilling and great fun - but I’m afraid the only way of knowing is to ask her where she sees it going.

You need to have a bigger discussion here that involves talking about your marriages and the impact on those relationships. Whether you carry on this affair in secret – because, let’s be honest, that’s what it is – or end up coming out and being together, it’s going to have an effect.

So ask yourself if you’re willing to risk what you have with your husband and imagine what it would be like in the cold light of day if you weren’t with him.

I also think you have to be careful that your judgment isn’t being clouded by the excitement of this affair – at the moment you’re caught up in quite extreme emotions, which makes it hard to be logical.

So your first step should be to have an honest conversation with your friend, who might have no intention of leaving her marriage to have a relationship with you.