DAD’S WITH A GIRL NEARLY HALF HIS AGE

Dear Coleen

I’m a 22-year-old girl and my dad, who’s 50, has recently told me that his 27-year-old girlfriend is expecting a baby.

I’ve always had an issue with their relationship because of the age gap and her being only five years older than I am, but I never saw this coming. I’ve been crying over it and don’t want to speak to my dad, so I’ve been avoiding all his calls and emails.

My mum was shocked too, even though she hasn’t been with my dad for five years, but she keeps saying I need to get things into perspective and that I’m overreacting to the situation.

Am I?

Coleen says

I don’t think you’re overreacting because it’s how you feel at the moment, but you need to think about why you’re so upset. From what you’ve said, I think it could be more to do with his girlfriend and her age than the fact he’s with someone else and they’re having a baby. Because she’s only five years older, maybe it feels like he hasn’t replaced your mum with this woman, but he’s replaced you.

I think it would help to try to look at things another way, which is maybe what your mum is trying to get you to do. Although she was surprised by the news, she accepts that it’s his life to do with what he wants with. OK, his girlfriend is only five years older, so couldn’t you be friends? You don’t have to see her as a stepmother figure and she’s about to give you a fantastic new brother or sister. You can be a part of it.

None of what’s happening means your dad loves you any less than he did, so don’t let it ruin your relationship with him. But it’s OK to tell him how you feel.

Start the conversation and see what he has to say. You’re assuming your dad’s choices are going to affect your life in a negative way, but they might well enhance it.