Worried our eight-year age gap will be an issue

Dear Coleen

I’m a 33-year-old woman and my boyfriend is 25 and we’ve been seeing each other for two years. The age gap has never really bothered me before, but it has started to become an issue since we moved in together a few months ago.

He’s always been pretty mature for his age – he’s really smart and has got a pretty good job, and he’s caring and kind. Our sex life is great and we just feel right as a couple.

However, now that we’re living together, he just seems really young to me sometimes! He’s a bit messy around the house, his mates are still a big deal for him and, the other day when we were talking about something, he said, “Well you wouldn’t get it because you’re old!” I know it was just a quip but I don’t want it to become a thing.

I also want to think about having a family soon, but whenever I mention kids and marriage, he just seems so disinterested. I have to be sensible about my fertility, but I’m worried about bringing it up with him.

Coleen says

You’re feeling insecure and a bit worried about the future of your relationship – probably for the first time. It’s fine to admit that and it’s OK to talk to your boyfriend about it, too – he should be able to handle it.

It’ll only become a problem if you keep these feelings bottled up, the communication breaks down and you end up really resenting him for things he doesn’t even know he’s done.

It’s important to know what you each want from the future, but you shouldn’t panic either. And certainly not before you’ve had a proper conversation. Living together is an adjustment and you do find out things about each other that you didn’t know before.

Life will throw up challenges to your relationship and it’s about negotiating those together.

Your boyfriend might simply not realise how serious you are about having a baby or how your age will affect your chances of conceiving, so you do need to talk about it and if he loves you then he’ll listen.

I want to start a family but he is so disinterested