We told Hollie Daddy was very poorly with cancer and she cried a lot... it breaks my heart but you have to tell kids the truth
really polarising going to die.”
Charlie is separated from Hollie’s mum but they remain close. He has a new partner, Lara Elliott, 26.
Charlie says: “A psychologist told us, ‘If you don’t tell kids the truth they’ll imagine much worse’ to which I replied, ‘Well, it would be pretty impressive if Hollie came up with something worse than this.’
“But me, her mum and Lara sat her down and said, ‘Daddy is very poorly, with cancer and we are going to have to know you are
CHARLIE BISHOP ADVICE ON TALKING ABOUT DEATH to look after Daddy. He won’t be like before and is going to slow down’. Then a few weeks later we said: ‘Look, Daddy isn’t going to come out of this’.
“Hollie cried a lot, of course, but she’s very resourceful. She’d worked it out already.
“There are wobbles but she has help here at the hospice and at school.”
Charlie’s eyes follow his daughter as she skips out of the art room into the lounge. She chats to other patients, strokes Chica the therapy dog, and practises her cartwheels. But every few minutes she returns to her Dad’s side for a reassuring kiss and a cuddle.
“I try to shield her but you just can’t,” he says. “It breaks my heart – but you have to let them know.
“Hollie wants to look brave for me so if she’s upset she will talk to her mum or someone else.
“When I started to plan my funeral I began recording messages for Hollie, but it didn’t feel right. I want to instil everything I can while I’m still here and compos mentis – to tell Hollie, ‘Don’t lead a sheltered life get
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Learn a language, have champagne for breakfast, feel the sand under your feet’.
“What could be better than me saying, ‘I love you’ to her face every day? She is so amazing.”
Charlie knows his cancer is growing again.
“It’s just a day at a time now, best foot forward for the little one.
“I have opted to come and die in the inpatient unit here and have done my Advance Care Plan. It is such an amazing place, so tranquil, and I know they’ll take care of Hollie afterwards. And, when it comes to the end hopefully I’ll be six sheets to the wind. But I do get angry sometimes. A few holes have been knocked in walls. It doesn’t seem fair. I had a good business and was working hard for my little one. “So, if God is up there, I’d just like him to sit me down and explain why. If I was going to turn out to be a dictator I’ll say, ‘OK, fair enough’ then I’ll shuffle off quite happily and play chess on a cloud for ever.” Charlie looks over at Hollie’s painting of that cloudless blue sky with its golden flowers. “And now it’s really happening isn’t it?” he says. “I’m at the bottom of the dive. I’ve got the Speedos on, the wind blowing through what is left of my hair. “This is it. All I have to do now is stick the landing.”
■ For more information, sueryder.org/thedword
Listen to people who are dying without shutting them down
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