I’M BEMUSED OVER FAMILY BAPTISM BAN

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman in my 20s and I’ve had some drug problems, but I’m clean now and have been for some months. I partied too hard and it became a problem, but I got help and I’m doing OK.

However, my brother’s wife doesn’t want me at the baptism of their baby in case I spoil the day.

The thing is, she can’t forgive me for putting her husband and our parents through it in the past. I understand why she’s mad at me, but I don’t want my family to be split over what happened and I want to be a part of things again.

My parents are sympathetic, but just say that it’s her choice.

Coleen says

Good on you for sorting your life out and getting clean – well done. Don’t let this little issue threaten your stability. Rise above it and say something to your sister-in-law like, “Obviously, I’d love to be part of the day, I am clean now and doing well, but I have to respect your decision”.

Don’t split the family over it and make them choose, just be the bigger person for now.

Your sister-in-law is probably just nervous about any family arguments or situations spoiling her child’s baptism. It can take a while to rebuild trust and I think you have to give them that time.

I know it’s tough but if you can react this way, it’ll show how strong you are and that you are in control of your life again.

If you think you’ll feel a bit vulnerable on the day of the baptism, then make sure you do something like meet up with supportive friends, go to a movie, hit the gym – anything that’s going to make you feel good.

It’s just one day.