CAN’T GET HIM AWAY FROM HIS DEADBEAT PALS

Dear Coleen

My partner and I got together 10 years ago, aged 18. We’ve bought a home and had a daughter, now two.

He’s a great dad and partner, but I can’t stand his deadbeat mates who he’s known since school.

None are in a serious relationship. One has a child he never sees. My partner drinks with them and recently got into trouble with the police after a pub fight. He didn’t start it, but got involved.

He has a good job and luckily his employers have been good about it.

I’m so angry he’s done something this stupid and I feel humiliated too, but I’ve never been able to get through to him when it comes to these friends.

Coleen says

This might be the wake-up call he needed to take a step back and look at how these friends behave as it’s had a direct impact on him.

I wonder if settling down young and having a child has drawn him towards them – it’s his avenue for cutting loose and perhaps feeling young and part of a gang.

I hope that now he’s seen the impact on you, and potentially how it could have affected his job, he’ll think differently.

No one likes being told who they can be friends with, so perhaps that’s made him more determined to see them. But perhaps he’ll see now you were worried about him getting involved in a situation like this and not because you wanted to stop him enjoying himself.

He’s got a lot to lose, so remind him of that. Try to talk to him without nagging or accusing, and explain he is a partner and a dad, and your little girl looks up to him as a role model.