Dear Coleen

HE SAID I CAN LOOK ELSEWHERE FOR SEX

I’m a woman of 37 and I have been with my partner for nearly 10 years. We don’t have children. Both of us work a lot and frequently travel abroad with our jobs, so sometimes we’re a bit like ships that pass in the night.

The other weekend we went out and had a bit to drink and he actually suggested if I was lonely or missing sex to sleep with someone else. It came from nowhere so I was pretty shocked.

I do miss him when he’s away, but sleeping with another man or having an affair with someone else has never entered my head.

We ended up having a row and he tried to backtrack, but I can’t forget what he said.

Why would he even suggest something like that – does he want to end things between us?

Coleen says

I don’t know his reasons – you need to ask him what’s behind it and to be honest with you.

Maybe he’s testing you because he feels insecure, maybe he’s laying the groundwork for ending the relationship, or maybe he’s feeling guilty for something.

Whatever it is, I don’t think he’d make this suggestion if he felt 100% happy and confident about your relationship.

I wonder what has been holding your relationship together – you seem to lead quite separate lives and perhaps that’s the problem.

You’ve drifted apart and the connection you once had maybe isn’t strong any more.

You don’t say that you’re making any plans – kids or marriage, for example – and do you even want those things?

Now he’s put the idea out there, at least it opens the pathway for some frank discussions about your future.