Good luck in Canada Harry... can you take Uncle Andrew too?
COME on, admit it, you’ve been there too, haven’t you?
You’re having a decent holiday, the sun’s turned your brain a bit hippyish, and you tell your partner “when I get back I’m going to tell that firm to stick their job up their jacksie so we can come back and spend the rest of our lives sipping pina coladas at sunset”.
The only difference being, you haven’t spent six weeks in a palatial island hideaway, you couldn’t afford to give up your job, and your partner told you: “I hope you’re not going to smuggle any of those drugs back through customs.”
So, yes, it did come as a bit of a shock hearing Harry and Meghan actually going through with their plan to do less work. Although it raised a few questions...
How do you do less than sod all? Did some royalists really accuse them of “pressing the nuclear button” as 83 million Iranians were expecting to be vapourised? And how did Nicholas Witchell get his report out when the anger he was channelling from Buckingham Palace press officers almost made him self-combust?
Because The Firm were really angry about this move. Not so much that the couple were reclaiming their lives but how they were going about it.
Typically, it was the lack of protocol that had them raging. A rage that was nowhere to be seen when Prince Andrew was caught seeking shelter with a convicted paedophile.
It’s not as though Harry and Meghan’s offence is in the same league. They’ve only done what The Krankies have done – announce they’re leaving the stage because their act keeps getting panned.
It’s when Sussexroyal. com becomes a swingers’ site we need to worry.
But I’m sure they’ll be fine. He’s worth £30million, his dad will still give him a good wedge of what he screws out of Cornwall, and Meghan’s a millionaire too.
And although the royals don’t have a good track record of doing jobs outside of cutting ribbons (his uncle Edward lasted five minutes in the Royal Marines before sobbing so much all the ammo got wet and they had to send him home) there will be opportunities. Harry could appear on The Masked Singer as a Nazi. He’s got the rest of the uniform.
To be honest, as someone who thinks the monarchy is an anachronistic sham whose members should give it up and join the real world, I have to congratulate them. Although they can’t just half do it.
If they’re serious, they should pay back us taxpayers the £2.4million for renovating Frogmore Cottage, hire bodyguards and hand in the titles. Otherwise they’ll look like that sad carbuncle from The Apprentice who makes everyone call him Lord Sugar while sticking two stubby fingers up to the people who put him there – the Labour Party.
If Harry and Meghan do all that then I’ll wish them good luck in exile. And hope that their royal exit, or Canadastyle Rexit as we should call it, might inspire others.
Maybe the Duke and Duchess of York will relocate to the other side of the Atlantic, too.
They’re about as popular as Bonnie and Clyde, so why not move to their home state of Texas?
Pay us back, hire your own bodyguards and hand in your titles