Dear Coleen
I’m a woman in my 30s and split with my husband a few months ago after I had an affair with one of the dads at my children’s school. It was all a big mess and very stressful.
That affair is over now and my ex-lover has taken his kids out of the school, and he’s trying to make a go of his marriage.
I’ve been left with nothing, but what’s worse is that some of my so-called friends have gone cold and are keeping their distance.
Another mum at school commented they were probably worried I’d be after their men, which left me feeling hurt. I’m not some kind of sex-crazed maneater – I just had a connection with this guy and my own marriage wasn’t going well at the time.
I do regret what happened, not least because of the impact on my children, but should I keep being punished for making a mistake?
I’ve noticed a group of local friends have been out a couple of times without me and it feels childish.
Do you have any suggestions on how I can go about repairing my reputation?
Perhaps if there’s one friend you’re closer to you can talk to her and explain how you feel. Say you’ve realised you made a mistake that’s had an impact on people’s lives, but got into it because you were unhappy, and it might filter down to the others.
However, I think you have to accept the fallout from something like this can take time to repair. Some people won’t be as forgiving as others, especially if they were also friends with your husband or the wife of the guy you had the affair with.
I have to admit, if one of my friends had an affair with another friend’s husband, I’d question how much I could trust our friendship.
I think what you can do for yourself is accept what’s happened, push through it and move on. And learn from it, so you don’t ever put yourself in that kind of situation again. Even if you’re unhappy in your own relationship, it doesn’t give you the right to ruin someone else’s.
People get over most things in time. Plus, I’m sure there will be another scandal doing the rounds at some point which will be the talk of the town, and you’ll be forgotten.
Friends have been out without me... it feels childish