Dear Coleen

GIRLFRIEND HAS NO INTEREST IN MY LITTLE KIDS

I’m a divorced man aged 39 and have two young children with my ex. I started dating someone six months ago who’s basically changed my life since the divorce – she’s exactly what I needed and I’m enjoying life again.

The problem is, she’s 28 and has no responsibilities other than her job, and she doesn’t seem to understand that my kids are part of the deal. She’s not unpleasant to them – she just has no interest in them whatsoever and when it comes to us making plans, she doesn’t even consider them.

I don’t expect her to look after them or even to be there on weekends when they stay with me, but she shouldn’t just ignore them either.

Her attitude makes me wonder if it’s ever going to work because I love my kids and they come first.

Any thoughts?

Coleen says

I think you’re right to be realistic about the long term – you’re not going to spend your life with a person who ignores your kids.

I think what you do really depends on how serious you are about this relationship – if you enjoy being with her, but don’t think it’ll last, then you can enjoy your time with her and not bring your kids into it.

But if you think you could move in with her or even marry her in the future, then you have to work on this now and talk to her about it. Be honest with her and tell her that if she sees a future with you, then the kids will be part of it.

Unless she accepts this and starts to take an interest and build relationships with your children, it quite simply won’t last the distance.